Today I took a break from work, and sat in the Bank of America plaza.  Its my daily Zazen.  I wear sunglasses so I don't look like the zen-weirdo I am.  Actually, I doubt anyone would care.  Perhaps its my overly uptight east coast affiliation.  Whatever.  Pinstripes and wingtips and sunglasses I sat. 

I am sitting with "Abiding nowhere, let the mind come forth".  And the sunlight got cut off behind St. Mary's hospital and the temperate dipped and I was glad I was wearing wool. 

Anyway- a woman walked past.  I could hear her heels clocking the hollow tiles that make up the plaza.  I watched her and a thought rolled by "That woman just walked right past.  She looks tired.  I winder what she is thinking?"  Then a sister thought came by, "I wonder what I know about this man? [meaning the one in the pinstripes on the bench doing corporate zazen], I wonder what he is thinking."

Then there was just uncertainty and fog and pinstripes.  Which was a lot more honest. 

Hugging practice.

Tonight was community night for Wind-in-Grass.  All the cushions were taken (note to self- get more cushions), and as we settled in, I gave the group a choice.  A messed up game, or a more messed up game.  Actually, I clarified, a weird game, or an uncomfortable one.  Maybe we need help because everyone went with uncomfortable. 

So after we sat, I laid out the rules.

There were two spaces, the one inside the cushion and the one outside the cushion.  A timer would run for 7 minutes.  A bell would begin and end the time.  You were free to move between the spaces, in and out, but if you were in, you had to hug.  Hugs would go on as long as they had to.  No talking.  That was it.  I asked people to notice what was going on.  What they noticed in their body.  What they noticed hugging.  How they knew to hug.  How they knew to stop.  Where they felt tension, what stories came up. 

[Aside- I thank the young dharma group for the idea, which I borrowed].

It felt good to take our practice and bring someone else into it, and to move up and take our meditation and awareness off the cushion.  There were gingersnaps and tea, which probably also helped things along.

A: Noticed how there was almost a peer pressure that she felt was coming from the group, or a pressure that she felt to join in.  She noticed how she waited until other people had begun hugging to get into the group.
B: Noticed that she approached the space awkwardly, but then felt safe and comfortable, and later melted into the hugs and noticed how much she needed them. She remembered working at Esalen, where there was almost madatory hugging, but that this seemed genuine and close and comforting. 
C. Noticed that at first, she was reluctant to join in the hugging.  That at first, the hugs were stiff.  But that over time, they got better.  She wondered how good hugs would be with the group in a few more months of hugging. 
D: Noticed that his self consciousness, the story he hauled around that the monitor he was wearing would disturb people.  He also expressed how special he thought our group was.  Which is a good thing since D is a big part of this Sangha. 
E: Felt the hugs in his heart.  And in hearts talking to one another. 
F: Thought it was interesting the timing of the game...that she had just been thinking that she needed to hug and be hugged more.  That she didn't get enough human contact at work.  She also mentioned that she remembered how much she liked hugging women.  And how she had once dated a man, simply because he gave great hugs, but discovered that it did not carry over into other areas of his life. 
G: Was surprised to find that though she thought of herself as a hugger, hugging clients, postmen, and everyone, she was not comfortable with the idea and it took her a while to open to it.  
H: Was not so sure about the excersize.  At first.  She said it sounded weird, but that when she got into it, it was pleasant and that she was grateful for it. 
I:  noted his own experience with hugging in general.  He told about growing up, in a country where no one hugs not family and not friends.  He described coming to California and finding out about the hugging.  He mentioned at first it was really uncomfortable, but that later it became second nature and that he really enjoyed it.
J: Noticed that he hugs in exactly the same way he practices zen. And does everything else.  Initially enthusiasm, then after getting into it for a wile, losing focus.  Also, how he hugged, but then wanted to adjust the hugging, but felt obligated to stick with the stance with which he began. 
K: is an infant.  She was hugged a lot, but generally slept through it.  She couldn't talk about it because talking is many months away.  She seemed to enjoy receiving hugs, and drooling on the hugger. 

then we opened up discussion, and got past the initial impressions and into how hugging spoke to us.  we talked about the truth in the wordlessness, that is like the buddha, and how it was clear communication.  We talked about how, without words, we interacted differently and got to know, or become aware, of parts of those people that words failed to describe.  We talked about how good it felt to be an animal and be held.  We talked about how words could be so easily used to distance us, and how physical contact, and eye contact, was so much more intimate and close. We talked about whether one could lie with a hug, or whether the truth was always there in such an act.  We covered some beautiful territory, but once we go around once, I turn off the mental tape recorder and just melt into it.  I remember lauging a lot, and that when we were done talking, it was dark, but for the harvest moon coming in through the window and the candle on the altar.

Like a hug. 

Everyone who came, headed down the hill for community night.  We took a table outside.  We ate, we talked, we drank, we bounced babies, we lit cigarettes, we ate sundays.  It was a good night, with a wonderful community.

Wow.  What a weekend last. 

The SF Zendo, Wind-in-Grass, hosted its first ever mediation and koan seminar.  I could not have been more pleased.  Of course, I am given to pleased-ness, and frankly, I was heavily invested in being pleased, but come on...it was amazing. If you were there, let me hear an amen. 

Amen.

Thank you, each and everyone who attended.  You made it a success with your sincerity, your practice and your jumping in both feet. 

We had all kinds of people.  People who had never sat before, people who sit devotedly in other traditions, Zen greybeards and zen no-beards.  Dogs, children, babies.  People from out of town and in.  Hungover and well rested.  Young and old and even a misguided babysitter who decided to take a cushion.  And what a privilege to sit with them all and hear their perspectives and their experiences as David Weinstein wound us through two "Vacation" koans:

BY moving toward the Way, you move away from it/you create obstacles. 

Vast emptiness, nothing holy.

Of course, nothing beats David's story telling, and you really had to be there, but so many of you were.  25 in all.  Not including one baby, one child and one dog. 

My favorite point of the afternoon was when David noted that Zen requires attention to the self, careful awareness, because, like a map, if we don't know where we are, how can we tell where we are going?  So many people contributed to the conversation, but I am going to make a mash of it if I try to capture it.  I would be grateful if you would take the time to add in the comment section your take aways and impressions of the day. 

My special thanks to David Weinstein for his wisdom, guidance, and lentil soup.  To Ashley for the Raspberry Cake (yes, cake. See, don't you wish you made it now?).  to Chris for the coffee.   To Ishara Hudson, Dan Kaplan, Glen Collins and DPR for helping set up.  To George, Jenna, Alex, Alex, Ben, Toby, Angie, Katy, Mike, Leah, Erin, Adam, Hantain, Chris, Weezie, and Nick for their dharma companionship.  And to the thousand hands that cleaned and repaired the Zendo to its normal art room status in just minutes. 

On the back of the success that YOU made last weekend, we plan to offer the second Meditation retreat in September.  Check in for more details, or contact Michael Kallus at warnerkallus@hotmail.com to be added to the mailing list.

Wow.  What fun.

It was Wind-in-Grass's first community night.  And I think it went smashingly.  wow, do people under 70 say that?  Whatever.  It was a blast.  We had a couple community members bring their loved ones, and the Potrero Hill neighborhood house donated local farm vegetables. 

We sat, in the main hall again, under a stunning SF sunset, watching downtown burn in the light off the skyscrapers, and I spoke into the room:

Every day is a good day. 

C, my daughter, who joined us tonight, was so relaxed that she needed a rather emergency diaper change.  [N would later note that it was not unlike being in an iawaska [sp]].   She and I went to the men's room, but practice never broke.  But that seemed...well, good too.  After we sat, and walked, I asked the group to take one minute to put themselves at work.  At their desk.  In front of a computer, a patient, a canvas, a phone. 

Then I asked, simply, for each person to describe a moment of connect at work, where work and practice seemed the same thing to them. Where they felt a moment of connection. 

A: Mentioned breastfeeding
B: B is an artist.  He noted that people often insinuate that being an artist must be fun every day.  That it is easy.  He said, "lately, art has been like laying bricks for me", but went on to note, that when his art is working, its immediate and his attention follows every curve. 
C: Cited Dogen: "Overwhelming overwhelms overwhelming".  I looked up the full quotation just now.  Its lovely.

The time-being is like this. Arriving is overwhelmed by arriving, but not by not-arriving. Not-arriving is overwhelmed by not-arriving, but not by arriving. Mind overwhelms mind and sees mind, words overwhelm words and see words. Overwhelming overwhelms overwhelming and sees overwhelming. Overwhelming is nothing but overwhelming. This is time. As overwhelming is caused by you, there is no overwhelming that is separate from you. Thus you go out and meet someone. Someone meets someone. You meet yourself. Going out meets going out. If these are not the actualization of time, they cannot be thus

D: described working with patients, how she just disappears into the conversation, into their needs, into her care for them. 
E: described the ten seconds in an elevator just prior to beginning the day in the office.  The ten seconds of total calm and peace.
F: Described her work as a massage therapist, feeling the person at the end and their needs.
H: Described reading a transcript of a talk from John Tarrant, where he described love as attention, then turning back to the document he was drafting and noticing that while the anxiety and circular review was still there as usual, it didn't cause distress and in the end, he felt the same as when sitting zazen, just noticing and interested. 

Then the game continued.  This time people were asked to notice moments where they felt like they lost their practice. 

A: mentioned how she could tell that something was making her uncomfortable and that she was turning away from it because she started to make a joke of it. In her head, with others. 
B: writing papers.  Just no groove there at all.  Anguish. 
C: Moments of breathlessness, with a short airsupply while things and events over take. 
D: She never noticed it happening, but often realized that her fingers where chewed on.  Something nervous when things felt out of control. 
E: Shit.  I cannot remember. 
F: Studying.  Feeling disconnected in the books and finding herself spoiling for distraction.
G: Facebook.  She knew just how tedious asset reviews were when she found herself on facebook, trolling for distraction.  So much so, she deleted her account. 
H: Sending email.  Right before pushing send.  That moment where he knew something in the client email was misspelled or incorrect, but cross eyes from looking for it and just ready to slam Send.  Mind distracted and revving up.  Looking for anything to break the tension. 

Chris Wilson folded the evening together.  I hope he will write what he presented, because it was really touching.  He came back to the themse of Sunryu Suzuki's impending death and talk on every day being a good day, and how, when Suzuki Roshi was asked how, he answered "pine is good, redwood is good".  Chris pointed out that any day where you can feel intimate with the life before you, with pain, sadness, joy, boredom or contentment- just look it straight in the eye and be there, was a good day. 

We sang the vows, then packed up the hall, and drove down to Connecticut Yankee for drinks and dinner together.  Everyone came down the hill.  We got an odd mix of MMA and baseball on TV, but an amazing mix of people and friends and conversation.  And thanks to J for ordering the onion rings.  C came, and was pretty well entertained, though it might be the first time an infant was swaddled at the bar.  I hope at any rate. 

Thanks to all and I am looking forward to community night again next month.  And next time, I will remember the cookies.