Last night Chris Wilson asked us to sit with the Koan "This very body, the Buddha", but in this form "Is my body the Buddha?".  With 5 minutes of sitting left, Chris asked into the room, "Please try answering that question 'Yes!'.  Now please try answering that question 'No!'". 

It being community night, we then enjoyed tea and cookies thanks to Marika, then set into the conversation.

several people noticed the expansiveness of answering yes.  How it made them feel free, and hopeful.  One person noted how it asked her to leave this skin bag behind and to think of herself in a larger sense.  Others noted how answering No, felt familiar, and suited, even though it was disappointing. 

Others talked about how they finally connected with this koan, and that for moments they were lighted of their body, and hopeful that this meant they too were the buddha.  They also mentioned that the word Buddha, was mired in religious overtones for them. 

Someone else noticed how, with her foot falling asleep, it was hard to connect with "yes", or "no".  Someone else still wondered how he could be the buddha iwth the pain in his face and body. 

After the conversation, we stood and Chris walked us through a  beginning Qigong exercise.  We stood and moved energy from our feet through our hearts.  I found it really relaxing, as I always do when I am asked to move slowly and notice my movements.  It feels good and grounding. 

After the meeting, 8 of the 14 of us headed down to Connecticut Yankee.  It was, uncharastically, still about 70 out. and we drank and ate outside on the patio. 

Actually, last Wednesday, we went in a completely different direction, sitting with the koan "This very body, the body of buddha". 

Frankly, I thought, "well, this is a short koan, and right there in the middle of the thing (not spatially), is this Buddha.  I don't know a damn thing about what I am supposed to think about the Buddha, I only know what I think about the Buddha.  Well, I wonder if that is what other people understand when they hear "Buddha"".  So the short game we played was simply that- What does this mean to you, this word "Buddha"? 

Because, well, frankly, its important to see what we are all bringing to the cushion.  Just like we settle down onto the cusion and feel our legs and back, its important to notice the mental conditions we bring.

So we talked.

People discussed how they pushed Buddha as a religious symbol out of their minds; some noticed how they just put that aside.  Others still mentioned how the golden Buddha was a notion they liked to avoid, and just leave.  Others still noted how they longed to sit as still and well and look content. 

I did a poor job of remembering all the discussion, but it seemed important to talk about it. 

"Layman Pang, a basket maker, stumbled and fell into a ditch. Seeing this, his daughter, without another thought, lept into the ditch. "What are you doing?' "I'm helping daddy!'...'Well then daughter, its a good thing no one say you'"

WiG is sitting with this this week.  Last week, we played a very small game.  We sat, and as people sat, the koan was spoken into the room.  People were encouraged to notice thoughts, and sensations, and anything entering into their awareness, and then to climb into the ditch with it. 

comments from John Tarrant: http://zenosaurus.blogspot.com/

Wednesday night we worked with Yumen's koan:

Yunmen said, “In the center of the cosmos, inside heaven and earth, there is one treasure, hidden in the body. It picks up a lantern and goes into the meditation hall. It brings the great three arched entrance gate and puts it on top of the lantern.”


We sat, and the koan was spoken into the room. 

After walking meditation, we sat and we went around the room, asked to put ourselves into the room by naming a part of our bodies that hurt . Just that.  With the notion of exploring the myth that awakening occurs in the mind.  That we sit and strive in spite of our bodies.

Lower back pain...flat feet...face and head pain...grey hair...tights shoulder...aching hips...bouncing hearts...shaking hands....broken thumbs...headaches...tired...bad knees...

Then we stood.  We were asked to squat slightly as we began our second meditation.  Just notice the burn in the legs and sit when it was time to sit. 

Then we talked about the koan.  About placing the gate on top of the lantern.  We talked about the light, and finding it, the joy of being at the center of the cosmos.

Frankly, I don't know how it touched people.  It touched me to hear that we were not golden buddhas, perfect and painless, but human buddhas, beat up getting to the finish line.  We find our awakening not in spite of our aches and pains and aging and death, but because of it. 

Wednesday night was community night, and we had a good deal of community there to practice.

To preface the game for the evening, the koan Layman Pang's Daughter, was spoken into the room:

Layman Pang was a basket maker.  One day, after work, as he was gathering his baskets from the bridge where he sold them, he slipped and rolled down into a ditch, where he lay. 

His daughter, seeing this, immediately leap into the ditch and lay beside him

"what are you doing?" inquired Pang

"I am helping Daddy", she replied

"Well then" he finished "Its a good thing no one saw you". 

I have always found that koan wonderfully kind and compassionate. 

We walked, then had tea.  After tea, I asked each person to, one at a time, turn to their left and tell that person a flaw they perceived in their meditation.  Busy head, tight muscles, no focus, sleeping feet, whatever.  The receiver was asked to give them some heartfelt advice.  Find time to do a relaxing mediation, don't worry about it, focus on a ball of light, let things go in the river, use a bench. 

Once we had gone around the room,  the bell was rung and we sat for 5 minutes.  This time, people were asked to sit with the other person's perceived shortcoming. 

Once we had done that, we shared how it was to have someone hold your flaw, to hold someone's flaw, did we feel closer to the person after giving advice, or lying in the ditch with them. 

You know, experiments and games and all are great, but sometimes the best thing to do is just let the meditation be itself.  Tonight was one such night.

PZI is in sesshin, retreat, up in Santa Rosa. Some of the members of Wind in Grass joined them.  But many of us were in the Bay area too, and we had a rather nicely full house Wednesday night.

Teacher David Weinstein, who usually would have offered interviews tonight, was leading the sesshin with John Tarrant, and it just wasn't the right energy to try to replace that.  Instead, we sat...inviting the group to sit shikentaza, or hell, just any type of meditation that appealed for the first period.  Then we walked, then we had tea.  Licorice.  Again.  Its a favorite.  But I digress.

We talked, and the conversation unexpectedly blossomed into a discussion of how we each work with koans, and whether that is ok, and whether one can really not work on a koan, and what other things and toys we like to play with when we sit.  We discussed how some of us, most of us, use some crutch to still the mind before turning to a koan.  A breathing meditation, concentration on a warm ball, a river, a conveyor belt carrying away thoughts.  Etc.  We talked about what came next.  For some of us, deeper emotion and attention to thoughts.  For others, a long stillness.  For others, not much change.  We noticed that sometimes working with a koan made use feel like we had to do something.  That just doing what we did was not enough.  And we noticed how some koans call for different responses- hearing it like a mantra, noticing emotions, seeing it visually, etc. 

Then we sat with the koan "Stop the War".  For many, most, it was the first time they had heard the koan.  For many it seemed to call to them, to invite tolerance.  To spurn action.  For some it was a word, written inside their minds.  For others, it was song lyrics. 

It was a great night, with a lot of commraderie.  Next week, community night.  We will sit then go to the bottom of the hill.  Its a club.  Loud music for the still soul.

Inspired by the exploratory group in Santa Rosa last week, investigating movement and its place in Zen, Wind-in-Grass got right into the lab.  I mean, what good is thinking about thinking about how one could work with a koan with movement when one can just move with a koan and see what happens.

So we did.

We sat, the group blissfully ignorant of the stupidity to which I was about to subject them.  The koan was spoken into the room:

"Are dolphins really as smart as people say they are?"

We sat, we walked, we took our tea, then everyone was invited to stand.  Going around the room, everyone was invited to demonstrate one movement that gave them joy.  The movement inextricable with who they are.   And they did.  And it did. 

We had soccer kicks, and child's pose, and stretching in the morning, and bottom turns, and long walks, and clog dancing, and nursery rhyme wiggles, and pop ups, and lie downs and twists. 

Then, with not a breath, we asked "are dolphins really as smart as people say they are?"  And it was wonderful.  There was squeaking and bobbing and backpeddling, and breaching and swimming. 

So...why not:  It was asked

Donshang was asked, "what is the Buddha?".  Dongshang responded "Three pounds of flax".

There was sack heaving, grinding, pouring, eating, armloads, handloads and fistfuls. 

It was effortless.  And sincere, and I thank everyone who came and jumped in.  Literally in this case. 

Isn't it strange how every conversation goes exactly how it needs to?  Even when you have no idea at the beginning where that will be?  I guess if you don't think that is strange, you might be practicing zen.  Or maybe not.  There are, after all, many ways to eat that piece of cake. 

Last night was the final community night for WiG.  I had 8 people tell me that they would not be able to make it, so I was not expecting a large turnout.  The turnout turned out to be exactly the right size for an exacting Zen experiment. 

After we sat, I mentioned a koan on which I was recently working.  One that, to me, begged the question of whether you could truly be given a gift, or a thing, especially a teaching, or if that notion was naught but a pretty dream.  We rang the bell and asked everyone to spend a minute considering a gift they have received.  To notice how it felt to receive it, to hold it.  How it made them feel in relationship to the giver. 

People responded that the gift they thought they were receiving, was not at all what they expected.  Another pointed out that it was hard actually, to think of a receiving of a gift, and not of giving.  Another person thought of his gift as advice from his mother, that she never knew would affect him so greatly and which would not bear fruit for many many years after received.  Another person mentioned a new job and feelings of gratitude mixed with responsibility to receive the gift well. 

We sat again, this time passing the Kesu around.  As it reached each person, they were asked give a gift to someone.  It could be a friend, a lover, a family member, someone they didn't know, even themselves.  But give a gift, knowing that that person would never know it was given, and see how it felt to give when taking the effect out of the equation- then ring the bell. 

People noticed how more sincere the gift was when they were not waiting for the receiver to feel a way they noticed they had been telling themselves the receiver should feel.  One person noticed that she felt she always gave a gift that was slightly off, but in this format, didn't feel that way at all.  Another gave the gift to his friend of feeling his pain.  Not giving comfort or advice, just hurting with him.  Being present.  And we all looked at that idea.  That a true gift was just that, being present.  It made everything genuine and real and it gave the best gift, the gift of what is, of us. 

Happy Holidays all, and Happy New Year.

"If you are scorned by others and are about to drop into hell because of evil karma from your previous life, then because you are scorned by others, the evil karma of your previous life will be extinguished."

We sat last night with this koan.  Prior to our sitting, one of the sangha members of WiG told me "I almost didn't come tonight because of this koan."  That's how you know its going to be a fun evening. 

After we sat, walked and had tea, we experimented with this koan, and in making it personal. 

The group was asked to take a moment and find someone in their hearts that they scorned, disdained, disliked and looked down on.  It could be a person, a group, a party, a business.  When everyone one had located that, the new time keeper (Thanks Toby), rang the bell, and the group was asked to scorn them, and in their scorning to notice the subtleties of the action, to notice how it made them feel, what was at the source.  They were asked to notice what was driving the scorn and what it dreamed to accomplish.  Afterwards we all went around and shared what we had noticed.

People noticed that they had trouble scorning.  That though they knew that they scorned and treated people with opprobrium and disdain, that when invited to let them have it, they found themselves conditioned to stop doing it, thus it only happened in the background.  Others noticed how it made them feel powerful and held the other party at a distance, mitigating fear that they would be harmed.  Others noticed how they piled on, and drew from other quarters for support in their scorning. 


After we had gone around, we sat again, briefly, this time holding a time or an instance when were were scorned, whether by a lover, a friend, a family member, a group, or any other source.  We were asked to locate that scorn and where its energy came from.  Where the fear was, and where the pain was, and then just notice what happened when we invited that in and let it be ok.  One person noted that he initially didn't think he was scorned and then realized how maybe he was pushing away acknowledging the scorning. 

People noticed that when they secretly believed, or didn't want to believe, that the scorn was well deserved, they got defensive, sad, or crushed.  When they felt the scorn was misapplied, it rolled right off and did not affect them in a personal way.  People noticed that they felt badly for the scorner.  Others noticed becoming defensive, and wanting to answer the silent charges.  Another noticed how mad he got and then realized how strange that was that he held onto this need to be seen a perfect, flawless and without detractors.  He wondered where that notion had come from.

It was a lively conversation.  We will continue it next week. 

We had a great conversation last night.  It was a pleasure to welcome back Chris Wilson from his convalescence.

We worked again with "Thank you, I have no complaints whatsoever".  There was discussion and a lecture on its tranformative properties. 

Next week we will return to the koan short course work with this koan.  Sit with it this week, and just notice how it works on you, how it transforms you:

"If you are scorned by others and are about to drop into hell because of evil karma from your previous life, then because you are scorned by others, the evil karma of your previous life will be extinguished."