So I had an interesting thought bubble up during zazen last night. Sort of a rouge koan. It caught hold of me before I could notice it.
The thought was: "What if everyone I know is getting exactly what they need. And what if I am getting exactly what I need? What then? How does that change how I see the world? How does that change how and when I feel I need to act?"
Huh. My first reaction was that it was interesting how so many of my actions were focused on "fixing" things and trying to give them what they need. So much of what I do, and think, is centered on overcoming deficits that I see. So many of my panicked moments of self indulgence come from fear that I will not get what I need, that I am not getting what I need, and that if I do not act, I never will.
So what happens if I just practice trusting that life is constantly and perfectly providing me with precise that thing that I need in that moment? I feel calmer, less urgency around me. And I feel less inclined to offer advice, or criticize someone, and more freedom to just enjoy them.
But I will also admit that the first thought was disbelief. "This can't be right. Surely these people are broken. Surely I need to be improved". It was truly disorienting to have silenced that relentless sonar pinging of "what needs to be done....what needs to be done....what needs to be done".
The more I surf, the more I am realizing I never stop. Of course, that also applies to litigation. And fortunately zazen.
Many thanks to John Tarrant, who came down from Santa Rosa to lead us tonight. We examined the koan "how is my hand like the Buddha's hand...playing guitar in the moonlight". And wonderfully, we carried the discussion into our small groups. Thank you everyone who came, and a special thanks to Chris Wilson for leading the small group.
Meeting #3 is in the books. So far, nothing has been broken, and the great Hand of Buddha has been stayed in coming down from the, wherever, to shut us down. So thats a positive. How is my hand like the hand of Buddha indeed.
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